By:Â Alysia Rich
Have you noticed that bad habits seem easy to pick up, while positive habits can seem difficult to master? Check out the tips below to help everyone create positive, lasting habits that will build a strong foundation for a successful family!
First, let's discuss why habits and routines even matter. It seems much easier to just go through your day without having these nagging checklists of "shoulds" hanging over your head. This way of thinking is especially true for our children! While children naturally crave order and stability, they don't instinctively know how to create it for themselves. That's why it's so critical that we, as parents, are equipped to create systems for our children so they see the benefits and begin to learn how they can establish similar habits and routines for themselves. Feeling like our family is functioning well is due in large part to the successful habits and routines we have in place. These are simple, usually daily, practices that allow our family to function smoothly so we can spend our time and energy on the things that matter most.
Positive habits help children (and adults) to...
build a sense of responsibility and independence
increase productivity
boost self-esteem and increase emotional well-being
lower stress
Steps to Create Positive Habits
Below are 5 key steps to creating positive habits and two examples of how each step might look in real life.
Consider the identity you want to create. Â
I am someone who takes care of my body.
I am someone who gives my best effort in school.
Next, brainstorm behaviors that someone with that identity would display.
Someone who takes care of their body eats right, exercises, and gets enough sleep.
Someone who gives their best effort in school arrives on time, completes work, and asks questions/problem solves.
Now, choose one new behavior from your list that you would like to make a habit.
A new behavior I want to focus on is getting 8 hours of sleep.
A new behavior I want to focus on is turning my homework in on time.
After that, list the actions you will need to take in order for that behavior to occur.
Complete tasks so I’m not staying up late; set my alarm for a reasonable time; choose a bedtime in advance; plan a calm-down activity to help me relax and prepare for sleep.
Get homework done as soon as I get home; make sure to put it in my backpack; take my work with me to the appropriate class; check before I leave class to make sure I have my work turned in.
Don’t let the long list of actions overwhelm you! Focus on one thing at a time. Choose ONE action you would like to develop into a habit.
I will plan and complete a calm-down activity every night before bed.
I will check my bag/binder at the end of every class to ensure I have turned my work in.
Now, is the part where the habit develops. Use these 4 strategies to weave your new habit into your current routine. (For more information about these strategies I suggest checking out Atomic Habits by James Clear.)
Make It Obvious - set up your environment to remind you to complete the action.
Make It Attractive - pair a new habit with something you enjoy doing.
Make It Easy - remove obstacles and start with small steps.
Make It Satisfying - reward yourself as you have success.
For parents of younger children, I suggest choosing one new habit you'd like your child to develop and focus on that for several days/weeks. For older children, include them in the conversation and together choose 1-3 new habits they want to focus on. Remember to take small, consistent steps forward and have rewards in place when small goals are met!
Rewarding Progress vs. Perfection!
It's so important to remember that none of us is going to get it right every day and every time. Give your children, and yourselves grace as you are working to get into the rhythm of these new routines you're setting. If your child misses a day say something like, "No problem! I'm sure you'll get back on track tomorrow!" This allows them to own the missed opportunity, but not dwell on it. Keep their focus foward thinking. What can they do well next time? How can they make an adjustment to their day to ensure they don't miss the task again?
Rewarding progress can be as simple as specific praise. "I wanted to let you know that I noticed how well you did the last few days brushing your teeth right after you ate breakfast. Way to go!" Or, "I noticed you got to work on your homework as soon as you finished your snack every day this week. Well done! How did it feel for you?" Rewards might also be something tangible; perhaps stickers for a young child or extra tech time for a teen. Think about something your child is motivated by and tie the reward to that to increase their excitement about reaching milestones. Break down the goal into steps...maybe they get a reward after 5 full days of completing the new habit, then it moves to 10, etc. Each child will be different in the amount of encouragement and motivation they need to find success. What matters most is that you are working WITH your child to help them become the one to manage their own habits. Eventually you want to be able to take a step back and see the child connect with what you've taught them and have success on their own!
Now that you know how to help everyone in your family create healthy habits and routines, it's time to get to work practicing! Sign up below to get access to a brainstorm page to help you start your habits journey today.
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